Castor Oil...sickeningly good

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Three man acoustical...whatever

This Sunday night me and Trey and Philito are playing a set sans Benjamin on drums at the loveliest bar round town, the Galaxy Hut. It should be great fun in a mellowy sorta way all getting kumbiya with ourselves. In doing the spammation activities to get the room full up with all you beautiful folks I was making jokes about doing a Tesla tribute. Tesla for those of you who are capapble of fully repressing bad memories were the creators of the late 80's horror album entitled "Five Man Acoustical Jam".

This pile of shit on vinyl ushered in boatloads of terrible acoustic covers of good songs by terrible hair metal bands. One needs to dig up Ratt's cover of "Green River" by Creedence Clearwater Revival or "Hang on St. Christopher" covered by the Bulletboys for definitive examples.

Anyway so I was recalling that I always thought Tesla wrote really bad lyrics even for the dreck that was popular back in those days and did a little digging and found this diddy.

I'm a mean machine, I'm the kind you don't wanna meet
My middle name is trouble, I'm a danger in the street
My motor's in overdrive, I got my pedal to the floor
Never get enough, always comin' back for more - yeah yeah
Here I come, better step aside
Here I come, I'm comin' atcha live, comin' atcha live
I'm the one you want, I never give a warning twice
Anything could happen like the rollin' of the dice - now!
Here I come, you better step aside
Here I come, comin' atcha live
Comin' at you live - comin' atcha live
Comin' at you live - comin' atcha live
Comin' at you live - oh here I come
Come on!
Comin' at you live - I'm comin' atcha live
Comin' at you live - comin' atcha live
Comin' at you live - oh here I come
Comin' at you live - step aside, oh step aside
Ow! Ow! Oh yeah, here I come - here I come!

How do you write that and worse present it to your band and have them go "Wicked bro, that kicks ass de mejor!!!!" Even for that time in history which gave birth to bands like White Lion, XYZ, Bang Tango, Danger Danger, Southgang, Herikane, Steve Stevens and the Atomic Playboys, Pretty Boy Floyd, JetBoy, Black n' Blue, Tuff, Poison, Dangerous Toyz, TigerTailz, Shy, Loudness, EZO and the like that shit is pretty bad.

OK I shouldn't have put Loudness on that list, those guys were lyrical geniuses, (not to mention Japanese!!!!) Well, we're gonna rock and pile you!

That is some heavy duty shit right there.

You come to see the show
Well, we're gonna rock and roll you
Come and get on your seat
We're gonna make you feel alright
Hey, you wanna go crazy tonight!
Let me hear you shout and scream
You make me mad and wild
Well, we're gonna rock and pile you
We're gonna do our best
The best kicks you in the head, alright
Yeah, it's gonna get crazy tonight
Let me hear you all go wild*
Rock and roll crazy night
You are the heroes tonight
Rock and roll crazy night
You are the hero
You come to see the show
Well, we're gonna rock and shock you
Come on get on your feet
The sound hits you in the face, alright
Ohh, let's get so crazy tonight
Let me hear you rock and roll

Sunday night I will do my best to be the best tonight and rock and shock you so come get on your feet.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Vibrant, a nice word for scary

Tom Davis takes being a fucking windbag to new levels. Talking about easing the citizenship regulations on illegal immigrants from El Salvador, Guatemala and Honduras:

"My [northern Virginia] district is home to many of these men, women and children -- hard-working, taxpaying, long-term residents who help make our communities vibrant places to live, work and raise a family," said Davis.

Yeah I bet old Tom feels right at home shopping with the Southside Locos at Springfield Mall and doesn't fear for his lily-white ass when walking by a drunken group of day laborers in front of the local 7-11. What a cock, I hope he gets mowed down by a hooptie with no brakes being driven by a "vibrant" uninsured and unlicensed motorist. I'd love to see his buoyant look of vibrancy when his daughter brings home her boyfriend Nestor, or "el perro loco" to his friends, and gushes to her padre' about Nestor's machete collection. I'm totally sure he wouldn't have a problem with that at all.
I prefer it when Tom addresses larger national issues like making Mark McGwire cry and supporting resolutions to change the congressional menu to read "Freedom Fries". You know, issues of real importance to his vibrant, uneducated, illegal and pretty hopeless constituency.
Oh if I sound bitter maybe its because I have a new MS-13 tag to go scrub off the stop sign on the corner. You should see it, it's very vibrant.

Go Tom go!

Thursday, July 21, 2005


I just got a quick refresher on why I hated moving furniture and the furniture movers that I worked with for all those years. I'm having a couch delivered down to my basement and yahoo #1 says to yahoo #2 -

"Whut the hell these people thinking having a doorway where it is?"

Then he tells me -

"I don't think that couch is going down those stairs"

I say -

"Me and my wife just took a full sized couch and a loveseat out the same way so it'll's just a bitch." Grumble grumble grumble.

I mean I know it sucks working in the heat for shitass money moving heavy crap up and down stairs. I did that shit for almost ten years and hated it but I never blamed a house!!! Goddamn if the mover bitching hasn't evolved even a little bit. Can't you idiots come up with some new material? Sheesh.......

They're now bitching out at the truck and trying to figure out a way to tell me that the sofa won't get into my house. Good luck suckers, you're in for the long haul.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Hocus Poke-Us

I'm trying to figure out exactly what I was up to when this picture was taken. I'm pretty sure I wasn't casting a spell for a ball fondle but that's how Philito saw it. Damn him and his photoshop prowess.

That is some funny shit though.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

OK I'm annoyed again

So I had a really really really stupid conversation that put a pallor of funk on an otherwise wolly enjoyable vacation. The keyphrase was:

“The only reason you don’t like FoxNews is because you want to see the liberals stay in power.”


These goddamn stupid motherfuckers. Who do you think is IN power you retarded dumbass leather sandal J. Crew polo wearing Barenaked Ladies listening to dumbass Nascar convert Coors Light drinking motherfucker? Jesus Christ. Any fucking nitwit that wants to have an argument with me based on Sean Hannity soundbites and Jon Gibson superlatives should be given the old burning tire cravat and thrown off the Tapanzee bridge.

Y’see I don’t hate conservatives and I don’t particularly love jingoistic smelly Liberals either, I just detest loudmouth freaks that toss opinions around that they hold as gospel that have no basis in anything other than what has been shoveled down their shit-eating throats by so-called pundits that know what buttons to push to get them in the crosshairs for their advertisers.

I love this tough guy attitude that buttfuckers that grew up in Northern Virginia have because they decided to be “conservatives”. Please, don’t let conscious thought or collection and filtering of information get in the way of shooting your wet mouth. The steadfast stepladder that they climb upon to look down on anybody who doesn’t want to pull on Bill O’Reilly’s wang is tall but pretty fucking rickety. On the rare occasion these days that I can get roped into a discussion about it things usually go like this.

Dink - “I’m against gay marriage.”
Me – “Why?”
Dink – “I think it’s wrong.”
Me – “Why?”
Dink – “I think it’s immoral.”
Me – “Why?”
Dink – “Because I do and it’s my right to feel that way. I don’t like seeing a bunch of gays getting married.”
Me – “Where have you ever seen that happen?”
Dink – “All over!”
Me – “Where?”
Dink – “ALL OVER!!!!”
Me – “I’m just wondering since you’re so impassioned about it, where did you see all these scary gays getting married all over the place?”
Dink – “I can’t remember but I saw it.”
Me – “OK, when you have an idea of what the fuck you’re talking about then get back to me.”
Dink – “I know what I’m talking about, I’m talking about gays getting married.”
Me – “So what do you want to be done about it?”
Dink – “It should be illegal.”
Me – “It is.”
Dink – “So how can the gays be getting married?”
Me – “They can’t.”
Me – “Where?”
Me – “So what should be done about it?”
Dink – “They shouldn’t be allowed to do it!”
Me – “OK, assuming they can which they can’t who should be disallowing them to get married?”
Dink – “The government!!!!”
Me - “Oh, well don’t your Republicans control Congress and the White House?”
Dink – “Yeah, we kicked your liberal asses!!!”
Me – “OK, so why don’t your asskickers stop the gays from getting married?”
Me – “I don’t mind it at all actually but you didn’t answer my question,”
Dink – “You liberals are all the same,”
Me – “Why don’t you answer my question. If the gays are getting married all over the place and your asskickers are in control of the Congress and the White House why don’t they do something about it so you can feel safe and secure at night?”
Dink – “Because of the liberals”
Me – “Oh. So the liberals are in charge?”
Dink –“NO!”
Me – “I don’t think you know what the fuck you’re talking about. Name me three states where gays can get married with all the sanctity and privileges of a couple of trailer park hicks in a Vegas wedding chapel?”
Me- “What am I talking about?”
Dink – “You think you’re smarter than everybody else.”
Me – “No, but I’m pretty convinced I’m a metric assload smarter than you are.”
Dink – “Well if you’re so smart how come you lost the election?”
Me – “If you’re talking about the Presidency I didn’t lose anything. The candidate I voted for lost.”
Dink – “YEAH THAT’S RIGHT!!!!!”
Me – “Why are you acting like you won, you voted for a guy that won that doesn’t seem to be doing what you want him to do like protecting you from the gays. I would be pissed off if I was you what with all these gays running around getting married all over the place.”
Dink – “You’re just mad because Kerry is a pussy and lost to Bush. You hate Bush but I don’t see you complaining about how much your house is worth.”
Me – “………………………….”
Dink – So you probably think it would be better if Saddam was still in power?
Me – “I think we should stop talking now, I can feel my brain losing mass because of this conversation.”
Dink – “I’m just saying what I feel.”
Me – “You’re saying what someone told you to say so you have something to talk about. It’s not the same thing.”
Dink – “Yeah well, you think what you want but the majority agrees with me.”
Me – “And thus my drinking problem.”
Dink – “What?”
Me – “Forget it, why don’t you go your way and wait for Bill Frist to suck some more White House trouser snake.”
Dink – “Who?”
Me – “Exactly.”

Dink smirks with a look of victory and shambles off to go rub butts with other “right minded” lardasses.

On the other hand I can talk congenially with someone that I have not a whit of common ground on as long as they have something behind what they’re taking about. The guy who posts here as CastorFratFriend is diametrically opposed to me on almost everything politically but we get along fine, we just disagree about things. I’m fine with differing viewpoints, I hate mush-mouthed idiots whether they’re wearing pleated shorts and braided belts at the sports bar or Viva La Che’ t-shirts at the WTO protests.

Thank God I’m so damn smart, I can always talk to myself.

Friday, July 08, 2005


Headline of the day:

Presidents on Mount Rushmore Get a Facial
Friday, July 08, 2005



Took 15 hours to get home from Austin yesterday. I saw an old man slap a fat tourist woman in the face with a magazine at DFW airport. Thunderstorms shut the whole place down and unleashed the very worst of human nature.

I did get to spend a couple hours horsing around with Texas Bob while I was there, that was cool. While my travel story sucks his trip home to Georgia sucked in Shakespearian porportions. Maybe he'll drop a comment with the story.

Getting ready to head to the beach with the familia which I'm looking forward to very much. I pretty much burst into flames when exposed to direct sunlight so there won't be much savage tanning for me, more savage crappy domestic beer consumption than anything else.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

102 in the shade....are you kidding me?

OK I admit it, this blog has been fantastically lame lately. I’ve just been too busy and tired to find anything interesting to get worked up about. I saw an otter swimming by while I was watching the fireworks last night and a wild turkey walking across the front lawn of a neighbor’s house the other day….that was weird. But as for things to get all worked up and write about it’s just not there as of late. The family is good, the band is good, the job is a job, I have work travel down to a sweet science, my dog knows how to fetch and I haven’t had time to go to the idiot’s lair up the street in months…MONTHS!!!!! I gotta get back to the bar but when? Tomorrow I get on a 7:00 a.m. (yes…in the morning) flight to Austin, Texas. Predicted temperature there tomorrow is 102 degrees. What the fuck is that? Who lives in places like that other than the Human Torch and the Heat Miser…..oh, and Satan? I’m in Austin for a day and then back and off right after that to the unguarded open disappearing shores of North Carolina for a week. You can’t blog about going to the beach. Who wants to read:

“I woke up today and totally relaxed. Being here is like constantly being in that sleepy feeling I get after I touch myself in a nasty way. Wow, I’m going to go take a nap.”

OK when I write it it’s not that bad but I think you know what I mean. So when I get back from vacation I’m really going to try and find some stuff to get good and pissed off about and try to be more entertaining. I promise.

On another note the band started recording the next record on Saturday. Things went very well for the first day out and we got drum tracks down for five tunes. It’s a much more rocking affair than the first Prophets record I think. I’m the only guy left from the first record anyway so it was bound to be very different regardless. I’m really looking forward to getting down with the recording process and cranking out new material with the new guys in the band and so far it’s so good.

I gotta go pack my suitcase with Sunblock 90000 and insulated ice-cube enabled underpants. If any of the airports are wi-fi I’ll people watch and post it up.