Three man acoustical...whatever

This Sunday night me and Trey and Philito are playing a set sans Benjamin on drums at the loveliest bar round town, the Galaxy Hut. It should be great fun in a mellowy sorta way all getting kumbiya with ourselves. In doing the spammation activities to get the room full up with all you beautiful folks I was making jokes about doing a Tesla tribute. Tesla for those of you who are capapble of fully repressing bad memories were the creators of the late 80's horror album entitled "Five Man Acoustical Jam".

This pile of shit on vinyl ushered in boatloads of terrible acoustic covers of good songs by terrible hair metal bands. One needs to dig up Ratt's cover of "Green River" by Creedence Clearwater Revival or "Hang on St. Christopher" covered by the Bulletboys for definitive examples.

Anyway so I was recalling that I always thought Tesla wrote really bad lyrics even for the dreck that was popular back in those days and did a little digging and found this diddy.

I'm a mean machine, I'm the kind you don't wanna meet
My middle name is trouble, I'm a danger in the street
My motor's in overdrive, I got my pedal to the floor
Never get enough, always comin' back for more - yeah yeah
Here I come, better step aside
Here I come, I'm comin' atcha live, comin' atcha live
I'm the one you want, I never give a warning twice
Anything could happen like the rollin' of the dice - now!
Here I come, you better step aside
Here I come, comin' atcha live
Comin' at you live - comin' atcha live
Comin' at you live - comin' atcha live
Comin' at you live - oh here I come
Come on!
[Solo]
Comin' at you live - I'm comin' atcha live
Comin' at you live - comin' atcha live
Comin' at you live - oh here I come
Comin' at you live - step aside, oh step aside
Ow! Ow! Oh yeah, here I come - here I come!

How do you write that and worse present it to your band and have them go "Wicked bro, that kicks ass de mejor!!!!" Even for that time in history which gave birth to bands like White Lion, XYZ, Bang Tango, Danger Danger, Southgang, Herikane, Steve Stevens and the Atomic Playboys, Pretty Boy Floyd, JetBoy, Black n' Blue, Tuff, Poison, Dangerous Toyz, TigerTailz, Shy, Loudness, EZO and the like that shit is pretty bad.

OK I shouldn't have put Loudness on that list, those guys were lyrical geniuses, (not to mention Japanese!!!!) Well, we're gonna rock and pile you!

That is some heavy duty shit right there.

You come to see the show
Well, we're gonna rock and roll you
Come and get on your seat
We're gonna make you feel alright
Hey, you wanna go crazy tonight!
Let me hear you shout and scream
You make me mad and wild
Well, we're gonna rock and pile you
We're gonna do our best
The best kicks you in the head, alright
Yeah, it's gonna get crazy tonight
Let me hear you all go wild*
Rock and roll crazy night
You are the heroes tonight
Rock and roll crazy night
You are the hero
You come to see the show
Well, we're gonna rock and shock you
Come on get on your feet
The sound hits you in the face, alright
Ohh, let's get so crazy tonight
Let me hear you rock and roll

Sunday night I will do my best to be the best tonight and rock and shock you so come get on your feet.