Castor Oil...sickeningly good

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

OK I'm annoyed again

So I had a really really really stupid conversation that put a pallor of funk on an otherwise wolly enjoyable vacation. The keyphrase was:

“The only reason you don’t like FoxNews is because you want to see the liberals stay in power.”


These goddamn stupid motherfuckers. Who do you think is IN power you retarded dumbass leather sandal J. Crew polo wearing Barenaked Ladies listening to dumbass Nascar convert Coors Light drinking motherfucker? Jesus Christ. Any fucking nitwit that wants to have an argument with me based on Sean Hannity soundbites and Jon Gibson superlatives should be given the old burning tire cravat and thrown off the Tapanzee bridge.

Y’see I don’t hate conservatives and I don’t particularly love jingoistic smelly Liberals either, I just detest loudmouth freaks that toss opinions around that they hold as gospel that have no basis in anything other than what has been shoveled down their shit-eating throats by so-called pundits that know what buttons to push to get them in the crosshairs for their advertisers.

I love this tough guy attitude that buttfuckers that grew up in Northern Virginia have because they decided to be “conservatives”. Please, don’t let conscious thought or collection and filtering of information get in the way of shooting your wet mouth. The steadfast stepladder that they climb upon to look down on anybody who doesn’t want to pull on Bill O’Reilly’s wang is tall but pretty fucking rickety. On the rare occasion these days that I can get roped into a discussion about it things usually go like this.

Dink - “I’m against gay marriage.”
Me – “Why?”
Dink – “I think it’s wrong.”
Me – “Why?”
Dink – “I think it’s immoral.”
Me – “Why?”
Dink – “Because I do and it’s my right to feel that way. I don’t like seeing a bunch of gays getting married.”
Me – “Where have you ever seen that happen?”
Dink – “All over!”
Me – “Where?”
Dink – “ALL OVER!!!!”
Me – “I’m just wondering since you’re so impassioned about it, where did you see all these scary gays getting married all over the place?”
Dink – “I can’t remember but I saw it.”
Me – “OK, when you have an idea of what the fuck you’re talking about then get back to me.”
Dink – “I know what I’m talking about, I’m talking about gays getting married.”
Me – “So what do you want to be done about it?”
Dink – “It should be illegal.”
Me – “It is.”
Dink – “So how can the gays be getting married?”
Me – “They can’t.”
Me – “Where?”
Me – “So what should be done about it?”
Dink – “They shouldn’t be allowed to do it!”
Me – “OK, assuming they can which they can’t who should be disallowing them to get married?”
Dink – “The government!!!!”
Me - “Oh, well don’t your Republicans control Congress and the White House?”
Dink – “Yeah, we kicked your liberal asses!!!”
Me – “OK, so why don’t your asskickers stop the gays from getting married?”
Me – “I don’t mind it at all actually but you didn’t answer my question,”
Dink – “You liberals are all the same,”
Me – “Why don’t you answer my question. If the gays are getting married all over the place and your asskickers are in control of the Congress and the White House why don’t they do something about it so you can feel safe and secure at night?”
Dink – “Because of the liberals”
Me – “Oh. So the liberals are in charge?”
Dink –“NO!”
Me – “I don’t think you know what the fuck you’re talking about. Name me three states where gays can get married with all the sanctity and privileges of a couple of trailer park hicks in a Vegas wedding chapel?”
Me- “What am I talking about?”
Dink – “You think you’re smarter than everybody else.”
Me – “No, but I’m pretty convinced I’m a metric assload smarter than you are.”
Dink – “Well if you’re so smart how come you lost the election?”
Me – “If you’re talking about the Presidency I didn’t lose anything. The candidate I voted for lost.”
Dink – “YEAH THAT’S RIGHT!!!!!”
Me – “Why are you acting like you won, you voted for a guy that won that doesn’t seem to be doing what you want him to do like protecting you from the gays. I would be pissed off if I was you what with all these gays running around getting married all over the place.”
Dink – “You’re just mad because Kerry is a pussy and lost to Bush. You hate Bush but I don’t see you complaining about how much your house is worth.”
Me – “………………………….”
Dink – So you probably think it would be better if Saddam was still in power?
Me – “I think we should stop talking now, I can feel my brain losing mass because of this conversation.”
Dink – “I’m just saying what I feel.”
Me – “You’re saying what someone told you to say so you have something to talk about. It’s not the same thing.”
Dink – “Yeah well, you think what you want but the majority agrees with me.”
Me – “And thus my drinking problem.”
Dink – “What?”
Me – “Forget it, why don’t you go your way and wait for Bill Frist to suck some more White House trouser snake.”
Dink – “Who?”
Me – “Exactly.”

Dink smirks with a look of victory and shambles off to go rub butts with other “right minded” lardasses.

On the other hand I can talk congenially with someone that I have not a whit of common ground on as long as they have something behind what they’re taking about. The guy who posts here as CastorFratFriend is diametrically opposed to me on almost everything politically but we get along fine, we just disagree about things. I’m fine with differing viewpoints, I hate mush-mouthed idiots whether they’re wearing pleated shorts and braided belts at the sports bar or Viva La Che’ t-shirts at the WTO protests.

Thank God I’m so damn smart, I can always talk to myself.


  • you're funny.

    come to Rock-n-Romp motherfucker! next show you can see me rock out!

    By Blogger debbie, at 10:18 PM  

  • I've decided to remove all but FOXNews from the 52" monstrosity in the first basement, but we will perform gay marriages on the deck, abortion-on-demand upstairs, and allow the Taliban to use the lower basement for a training ground/safehouse.

    By Anonymous Bully, at 7:28 AM  

  • Those gays are startin' to take over the military. Now you don't know if the soldier next to you has got your back or just wants your back. It's true. I sawl it. ALL OVER!!!

    That damn Clinton!

    By Anonymous Dennis, at 10:48 AM  

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