Red 5 this is Wedge

After drying out from the soaking we took and resting up we headed back out into the steamy streets of New Orleans and strolled hither and yon. We found a decent place to sit and eat and mowed down three pounds of crawfish and two dozen oysters, tasty. I had never sucked the brain juice out of the crawdad heads but when in Rome and all that so….SLURP. Spicy, gross but spicy. The Mrs. would not partake but she enjoyed the spectacle.

We wandered back to Bourbon Street and chatted with the pornography hucksters trying to woo us in to their joints with offers of lap dances and titillation without quarter. I was wise enough to not press the issue and eventually we found a balcony to sit on and watch the proceedings on the street. Monday night in June in New Orleans…Girls gone Wild it ain’t. There was still plenty of bead throwing and the occasional baring of the breasticles but of the scary drunken Midwestern housewife variety rather than the nubile drunken coed type. Very scary, (and adherent to the laws of gravity). The rain earlier did little to wash away the filth and a lot to bring all the vile smells in the streets bubbling to the surface. It was noxiously fun, but still quite noxious. On the way back we stopped at the aforementioned Walgreen’s so I could get some deodorant, (bad packing on my part). Of all the things the management could have kept under lock and key at the nasty ghetto Walgreen’s unbelievably it was deodorant that was put behind the Plexiglas display case. Not Robotussin or lighter fluid or mouthwash or any other manner of item that could be put to some sort of nefarious use. Speed Stick. What the fuck? It’s like they want the city to smell like dirty underwear. The Captain Love guy was still at it although he kept his beanbag in his pants while inside the store, that was a plus.

We slept the sleep of the angels that we are and awoke to foggy windows and a weather forecast in the triple digits. Whee! More good food and daytime stuff involving some work later we met up with some coworkers for dinner at one of Emeril Legace’s joints, called Delmonico. I rarely eat at fancy schmantzy restaurants not for a lack of taste for good food but it just rarely occurs to me to go to such a place. When I do I usually enjoy it and don’t mind the enormous bill as I’m drunk on overpriced wine that I have no way of discerning the value of the bottle thereof, forthwith and ballyhoo. We ate and ate and ate and listened to stories from Texas Bob and Sparkles who were as amusing and entertaining as always. Texas Bob once made me laugh so hard on a drive between Amarillo and Lubbock Texas that I was sure I was going to crap myself. Even now when I hear the word “stinker” I start laughing.

Stinker.

Haha!

Anyway my Pops had dined at Delmonico a few years back and assured me that the wedge salad would be the best thing I have ever eaten. Dad is great like that, he gets wrapped up in stuff and for a period of time Film 123 will be the best movie ever right up until Film XYZ comes along and that becomes the best movie ever. The same thing happens with cars, position athletes, restraints, opera singers, and comedians but never books. He stands firm on the old literary opinions. He was pretty straight on the salad though, ¼ of a head of lettuce with about 9 pounds of bleu cheese dressing and red onions. Retardedly delicious. I followed it up with gumbo, a 16 oz. steak, lots of wine, some port, an Irish coffee and a mint. The mint almost did me in like the guy at the end of, “The Meaning of Life”. Hwaffer thin.

Only one of the folks at dinner had ever met the Mrs. before so when she went to the bathroom I was assaulted with “SHE IS SO WONDERFUL AND BEAUTIFUL AND HOW DID YOU EVER MANAGE TO MARRY SUCH A FINE WOMAN” and the like. Seriously, that crap happens all the time and it gives me a complex. Am I not awesome, do I not deserve an awesome paramour? The way these people talk you would think I was some kind of a foul-mouthed, egocentric college dropout with maturity and narcissism issues. Sheesh.

You guys should see my hair today, it’s fucking fantastic.

So the night ended in a boozy overstuffed haze and I poured myself into the cab and tried to stay awake on the way back to the hotel. We had another long day of gluttony ahead and I needed my beauty sleep. Not as much as most other people obviously but even I have mortal needs, (just not as many).