Castor Oil...sickeningly good

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Chow Chow Chow

So I have been going on comment-wise with this group of monolithically retarded genetic misfits called the “player haters” and their pals since I first posted about their little club. The volume of their comments and “mano y mano emails bro” (if I were just enough of a prick to post those...oh the humor I could share), picks up around 3:00 each day. I’m guessing that's when they get home from daycare and fire up dad's computer to IM all the bitches and freak on the haters and masturbate to promo pictures for “Herbie the Love Bug” (starring Lindsay Lohan).

One poster in particular outside of the "player haters" inner circle has taken me to task for my supposed high-school attitude towards drinking that I illustrate on this here blog. I have a "what high school did you attend" comment under his name and several similar anonymous posts, (one called me Sport-O!), so I'm gonna lump them all together under his umbrella for the sake of this post. Guilt by association, that happens to dickheads fairly often.


He posts under the nom de plume of CatCiao and is, as far as I can tell, a self-styled sophisticate who "loves the ladies" and is "single in the city". In my experience that pretty much translates to "I make a dick of myself around women" and "I pay for escorts on a regular basis".

CatCiao posts his pithy witticisms with a picture of a spinning tire rim attached for emphasis. Now, how am I supposed to take criticism from someone like that? What’s next, how to wear my visor at a jauntier angle when I go to Sequoia's and bop my bald sunburned head to the sound of Young MC and the Bare Naked Ladies? How best to stand in line in the rain outside of some dumbass club while 19 year olds make fun of me and get to go inside because they have underage girls with them? No thanks.

To be fair I do my research when deciding to write about someone out in the nethersphere. I have toiled in the inanity and turgid waste of the "socialite" circle of dcBlogdom to try and learn more about this Jedi master of smoothness that felt it was his place to lecture me on my home court. So now let's all take a gander at the interests of the bon viant, (posted in his blog profile), in question to get to know him better.

CatCiao’s interests - Tuna & Yellowtail Sashimi with a pulse on a 60' Hatteras, off color posts, trees, beauty.

Oh.....my. It seems he could be the singer of a high-school emo band based on that. He's calling me juvenile? I knock around a little further and find this gem on a blog run by a young woman pondering why she gets hit on by older men, (specifically CatCiao) -

"CatCiao said...It could be about intelligent conversation and good skills set in the sack. V, let this old cat take you out for a cocktail or five and I can expound upon this for you."

Hahahaha. Sure. If only she knew the joys of having some gin-blossomed, fat-bellied, baldheaded, action-slacked wearing windbag laying on top of her like a sack of cement and gulping air like a landed tuna squirming on the dock. Oh the thrills she could have.

More CatCiao-ism's off various blogs for your entertainment. I have not made these up. Note the repeated ;) to illustrate that "it's all good gurl, just funnin' with ya".

" here is a change up - buy me drinks, I'll let you hit on me, and accept an invite to your flat. ;)"
" Join me for bible study class Friday night? ;) "
" I almost went blind reading my mother's Vogue as a young boy."
" Funny, I imagined him buck nek-ed, smoking a cigar, sitting on the toilet and smelling each perfume sample... ;)"
" guns give nuts erections."
" I bound from bed around 9 a.m. make a beeline for the ice maker and diet coke, grab my fags...inhale"
" I will be dusting off my flip flops after Memorial Day."
" Gentlemen, virtual cigars are in order! Lite up... "

Yeah.


I think I'll keep doing things my own way but thanks for the concern.

8 Comments:

  • that spinning tire rim pretty much tells us everything we need to know about mr catciao. . . "all rim and no car" . . . or as they say in texas, "all hat and no cattle." catciao, we dub thee "rim job." back to you castor.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:56 AM  

  • i think you are giving this kid too much credit. he's not one of the haters. notice how none of the blog sites ever respond to his post comments? he's trying to make a "name" for himself in these blog-circles. don't waste your humor on him.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:05 AM  

  • bwaaaaahahaha all hat and no cattle aaaaaahahahahhahaha

    By Blogger professor wes, at 10:06 AM  

  • All of you are faggots.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:19 PM  

  • I have to admit, that as much as I'm enjoying hating on the haters (?), I kind of feel a bit sorry for them.

    By Blogger tideliar, at 4:38 PM  

  • yawn

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:20 PM  

  • Blimey, "fags?" "flat?" I think CatCiao's a brit. And whatever else he is, he also ain't no kid.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:25 PM  

  • yeah, most kids are smart enough to hide their briticism during their posts.

    could be hugh grant.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:42 PM  

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