Castor Oil...sickeningly good

Thursday, September 14, 2006

My new BFFL, Tom

I don't really need to elaborate for comedic payoff, just follow the link.


Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Showdown at the Hoedown

Despite my best intentions to the contrary I find myself getting more and more aroused (huyah!) by the political landscape a-forming around the November elections.

Now being a lifelong Virginian of course my interests gravitate to the contest for Senate here in the Old Dominion, a slugfest between Jim Webb and George Felix Allen. It is with hope, hope that I thought had been beaten out of me by the ineptitude of John Kerry's campaign and the general stupidity and laziness of the populace in the 2004 go-around, that I begrudgingly affix bumper stickers to my hooptie. Worse I'm even thinking of opening my wallet yet again to try and secure a win for Slim Jim Webb, (not really slim at all but it's a cool rhyme).

Granted, I would vote for any of the random dumbshits at the local idiot's bar rather than Felix. That's just on general principle and a grape jelly dollop sized smear of common sense, (not to mention the gut instinct that if I met him in person my asshole radar would blow off the charts). But after much reading and watching Slim Jim has actually peaked my interest as a Pol who might not be 100% loathsome and could do some good as a Senator. Being that all we can seem to talk about these days is the war on Terruh and such I'll make my case for Jimbo focused on that. If anybody wants to tout the merits of either Jim or Felix on other topics feel free to comment away but as to the gunslinging this is where I'm coming from.

I come from (told you I was coming) a military family. Me beloved Poppa was slogging in Vietnam on the blessed day of my birth by chance, and I have a certain level of respect in the knowledge and opinions of those that served. I believe by virtue of having lived through something it gives one a certain level of insight into the realities of the circumstance than someone who hasn't. Not just in war or military matters in general but in pretty much all things. Simply, folks that have been "there" in just about any circumstance know more about what "there" is all about than those who never were. For instance I think I know more about playing bass, driving trucks, moving furniture, getting hit in the head with a Budweiser longneck, having a super hot wife, being short, raising kids and having awesome hair than those who have never experienced such things. I couldn't tell you with any level of confidence what it's like to fix a car, build a bridge, fight a war, be married to a hag, dunk a basketball, play a good guitar solo or be the fatassed scion of a Redskins coach born into privilege and living life as a stupid asshole because I've never done any of those things.

So I look at Slim Jim's resume' and thinks to myself, "hmmm….this looks pretty tight for the job of figuring out how to get the holy hell out of Iraq, avoid a whole scale world war and generally not be stupid."

  • At the Naval Academy he was a four-year member of the Brigade Honor Committee and a varsity boxer.
  • In l968 he chose a commission in the Marine Corps, and was one of 18 in his class of 841 to receive the Superintendent's Commendation for outstanding leadership contributions while a midshipman.
  • First in his class of 243 at the Marine Corps Officer's Basic School in Quantico, Virginia.
  • Served with the Fifth Marine Regiment in Vietnam, where as a rifle platoon and company he was awarded the Navy Cross, the Silver Star Medal, two Bronze Star Medals, and two Purple Hearts.
  • Served as a platoon commander and as an instructor in tactics and weapons at Marine Corps Officer Candidates School.
  • Member of the Secretary of the Navy's immediate staff, before leaving the Marine Corps in 1972.
  • Attended Georgetown University Law Center receiving his J.D. in l975.
  • Won the Horan award for excellence in legal writing,
  • Authored his first book; Micronesia and U.S. Pacific Strategy
  • Worked in Asia as a consultant to the Governor of Guam, conducting a study of U.S. military land needs in Asia, and their impact on Guam's political future.
  • Has written six best-selling novels and literature at the Naval Academy as their first visiting writer.
  • Won an Emmy for his PBS coverage of the U.S. Marines in Beirut
  • Served in the U.S. Congress as counsel to the House Committee on Veterans Affairs from 1977 to 198l.
  • In 1984 he was appointed the inaugural Assistant Secretary of Defense for Reserve Affairs, working with NATO.
  • Appointed Assistant Secretary of the Navy in 1987 by President Ronald Reagan
  • Resigned as Naval Secretary in 1988 after refusing to agree to a reduction of the Navy's force structure during congressionally-mandated budget cutting.
  • He was a Fall 1992 Fellow at Harvard's Institute of Politics.
  • Webb's original story “Rules of Engagement”, which he also executive-produced, was released in April 2000 and starred Tommy Lee Jones and Samuel L. Jackson.
  • His fifth novel The Emperor's General was purchased by Paramount pictures as the largest book-to-film deal of 1998.
  • His book Born Fighting, which is his first commercial non-fiction effort, was published in October 2004 by Broadway Books.
  • Awards include the Department of Defense Distinguished Public Service Medal, the Medal of Honor Society's Patriot Award, the American Legion National Commander's Public Service Award, the VFW's Media Service Award, the Marine Corps League's Military Order of the Iron Mike Award, the John Russell Leader-ship Award, and the Robert L. Denig Distinguished Service Award.

(I copied and pasted the above with fluff removal editing from his campaign website)

So I look at that and think, "that jonx is pretty tight yo Webb is lyk BFFL wif SOLDIERZ". (to borrow form the vernacular of today's potential young voters).

Now to be fair I will take a look at George Allen's resume, also copied and edited, with fairness in mind, from his website -

  • Attended the University of Virginia, earning his undergraduate degree in history before going on to earn his law degree.
  • While a student at Uva was named state Chairman of Young Virginians for Reagan.
  • Opened his own law practice in an historic Charlottesville building that he restored himself.
  • Served in the Virginia House of Delegates from 1983 to 1991.
  • Won a special election in 1991 to represent the Seventh District in the United States House of Representatives.
  • In 1993, was elected Virginia’s 67th Governor, receiving more votes than any other candidate for Governor before or since.
  • In 2000 elected to serve in the United States Senate.
  • Member of the Commerce, Science and Transportation Committee, the Foreign Relations Committee, the Energy and Natural Resources Committee, and the Small Business and Entrepreneurship Committee.
  • In 2002 elected to serve as Chairman of the National Republican Senatorial Committee

So from what I can tell you can either have a guy who knows a metric assload about war, warring, fighting, all things related to war, is literate, has had a pretty wide range of life experiences and has served in the both the military and Federal Government, (and was appointed by Reagan of all things to whom Allen has pledged unwavering devotion and willingness to give up the bung), or some guy who's a career politician and if taken at his word is a decent handyman.

I think I'll support the former. If nothing else Jim kicks it with Samuel Jackson and Tommy Lee Jones so we're on the tip when it comes to dealing with airborne snakes and escaped fugitives.

If you need just one more piece of supporting evidence as to why George should be run out of the state on a rail check out this site (with thanks as always to Wonkette and the Dceiver for the heads up), for the details on his "Hoedown."

Seriously, what's 10 Large when you get to wear the mantle of "Ranchero Grande"

Friday, September 08, 2006

All in all things are just fine.......

I came across this picture today and just felt all happy about life.

She's quite the best that there could possibly be.

Have a jolly weekend.

Ali Baba is coming to town

Ali Baba is coming down from NYC tonight to punish my liver and possibly break my new microwave that replaced the microwave he previously murdered.

If you would like to see for yourself why I both love and cower in fear of my friendly neighborhood force of nature come to the show tomorrow. You won't have a problem figuring out who he is, I promise.

He's the one on the left, covered in gore.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Good vs. Evil and Ali Baba to boot

And yea the time of peace hath run its course and now war is nigh upon the land of Fairfax…………

This Saturday ye olde Pharmacy Prophets are rocking and rolling, (for the last time till the cold days of December mind you), at TT Reynolds in Fairfax.

While every show is an earth shattering pelvic destruction machine this one has a special quality of menace and mirth to it.
Y'see for both those that know and those that don't (yeah right, like those of you who live on the moon!), we used to have this big bald tattooed guitarist named Wesley in the band. Sure he acts like a big softie but in his soul he is an agent of Satan much like Steve Vai in Crossroads.

Being pure of heart the Prophetitos parted ways with Skinhead McSouleater sometime back and he went to ply his malevolence with a band called Honeychuck. Meanwhile we added our own Ralph Macchio, (to keep the Crossroads parable consistent), on the electric twanger box in the form of one Trey Ponish who is so angelic that he even looks like Jesus!

I guess with all of the hoopla going on across the planet that a final showdown of good (that's us) versus evil (that's Honeychuck), was inevitable. So it's all coming to a head on Saturday. Basically the two of them will go at it and determine through guitar histrionics which way the sun is going to rise from here on out.

Personally I think it's about time, not knowing what spiritual force has ultimate dominion over all of creation leads to confusion amongst the masses and that's never a good thing for those of us who are kicking it on a higher level of consciousness and power.

So if you want to find out firsthand who you shall have to swear fealty to and not just catch the highlights through visions and images on pieces of buttered toast get out to TT's and see it all go down for yourself. While I can't promise the outcome I'm pretty sure that the lightning bolts, archangels, demons, blistering guitar solos and shots of whiskey turning to blood before your eyes are going to be worth the price of admission.

I know Trey's up for the challenge. At practice last night he was slapping around a sock puppet with a "Hello Kitty" guitar drawn on it and muttering something about being Wesley Ringo's huckleberry.
Guitarists are weird, that's why I concentrate on singing and having great hair.

Saturday, September 9th at TT Reynolds
10414 Main Street - Fairfax, VA
The Pharmacy Prophets save the universe from evil
w/ Honeychuck and Random Access
Five Bucks
Shirts, shoes and souls required