Castor Oil...sickeningly good

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Thanks for the memories

So yesterday I got an email from a family member, forwarded along by and to who knows how many others which said in the subject line, "VOTED AGAINST ENGLISH IN AMERICA!!!!!"


The text is copied and pasted below -



Akaka (D-HI), Bayh (D-IN), Biden (D-DE), Bingaman (D-NM), Boxer (D-C A), Cantwell (D-WA), Clinton (D-NY), Dayton (D-MN), Dodd (D-CT), Domenici ( D -NM), Durbin (D-IL), Feingold (D-WI), Feinstein (D-CA), Harkin (D-IA), Inouye (D-HI), Jeffords (I-VT), Kennedy (D-MA), Kerry (D-MA), Kohl (D-WI), Lautenberg (D-NJ), Leahy (D-VT), Levin (D-MI), Lieberman (D-CT), Menendez (D-NJ), Mikulski (D-MD), Murray (D-WA), Obama (D-IL), Reed (D-RI), Reid (D-NV), Salazar (D-CO), Sarbanes (D-MD), Schumer (D-NY), Stabenow (D-MI), Wyden (D-OR)


So I sat there reading this and thought, "I should for the good of familial relations and happy smiles at Thanksgiving just give this a pass." But being that my own best interests never seem to rate high on my priority list I got pissed off and started thinking further about the person who sent this to me, a person that while I love has never done a good goddamn thing for themselves and has taken whatever handout has been proferred possible. I got mad, did some reading to make sure my facts were at least pretty close to accurate, and responded thusly. Should make for some good times round the turkey!!

Dear *unnamed family member*

I deleted anyone I don't know from your distro from this insanely long response but this kind of stuff just drives me crazy, (hence the length...and accompanying insanity).

The issue that the email refers to was not a simple “Let’s make all people in America speak English”, (which in and of itself is wildly counter-productive from a social, educational and fiscal level), at all. In fact that had so little it was almost nothing to do with it. So bear with me if you want to and apologies for the length but hey, what else do I have to do but talk politics at 8:30 in the morning.

First off, this vote took place in April. Congress is now in recess. No one is voting on anything until after the November elections.

Second and most importantly the vote was whether or not to continue floor debate on a comprehensive immigration reform bill, sponsored by John McCain and Ted Kennedy, (strange bedfellows indeed!!). The bill had been sheperded through committee proceedings by Arlen Specter a Republican Senator from Pennsylvania. The bill passed through committee with bipartisan support but when it hit the Senate floor, 435 Amendments were added to it. 435 with many of them being nothing but earmarks, or pork, that had little to do with immigration reform and NOTHING to do with mandating English as a National language. To break the impasse and pass a pork laden piece of crap bill the Senate would need a 2/3 majority vote.

The 38 Senators referenced blocked that majority, this was the vote in question, and sent the bill back to committee where, it was amended closer to it's orignal form and passed by the Senate several weeks later.

The newly passed bill was then taken to a caucus with the House of Representatives who had their own bill which focused solely on border enforcement. The President had said he would not sign a bill that did not include comprehensive reform (the Senate Bill was more like that type). In caucus our spirited majority lawmakers were supposed to work together on a compromise bill that would pass muster with the White House but it simply died due to an inability to compromise.

Like almost everything else with this Congress, it never saw the light of day again once the news started focusing on who killed Jon Benet and/or Natalee Holloway instead of immigration as the hot point of the day. The closest we got to immigration reform was a bill tossed to the White House right before the recess to build, but not fund (that probably sounds familiar to those who have dealt with "No Child Left Behind") a 700 mile section of fence along our 2,300 mile southern border.

If you want to hear more about it watch Lou Dobbs on CNN, he talks about it seemingly 24 hours a day.

So if you want me to remember something about 38 those Democrats, I will. They made a deal with John McCain on a bill, passed it through the proper channels with Republican leadership at the helm and when it hit the Senate floor and was turned into a pet project money vacuum they kept the now completely fiscally absurd bill from being railroaded through the Senate. I will remember them for that.

The rest is long winded political venting so read it at your leisure, (or peril!)

There are some other things I'm going to remember come election day.

I'm going to remember that in the last six months Tom Delay, Bob Ney, Duke Cunningham and Mark Foley have been so disgraced and/or found guilty in a court of law that they had to leave their seats in Congress with Duke and Ney heading to prison. Curt Weldon, you're next up to bat.

I'm going to remember Jack Abramoff buying members of Congress and people given the public trust like David Safavian, (pleaded guilty too!), the government's chief procurement officer, and defrauding constituents, American taxpayers, to the tune of millions of dollars.

I’m going to remember that just yesterday a bill was signed into law that undermines the basic tenets of Habeas Corpus, (innocent until proven guilty) not just for gun-slinging terrorists but for anyone the Office of the President decides to label an enemy combatant or who “provides material support” to such. What does that mean? Right, it’s up to the President at his whim. You know anyone with family in Northern Ireland that could have inadvertently donated money to a front organization for the I.R.A.? See you in Guantanamo Bay. Think that sounds crazy, it is. But as of today it’s entirely legal for the President to punch that ticket with no formal charges brought.

I’m going to remember the unending stream of lies that have come from the people who swore an oath to uphold the Constitution, not their stranglehold on political power.

I'm going to remember the Senate calling a special session so they could attempt to walk all over the Constitutional rights to privacy between a man and his brain dead wife. I'm going to remember the majority leader of the Senate, Bill Frist M.D., saying that he could make a definitive medical diagnosis that Terry Schiavo had cognitive thought and should be kept on a feeding tube against her husband’s wishes after watching three minutes of videotape and trying to ram through illegal legislation to make that happen. I'll also remember Frist's silence when her autopsy revealed that her brain was more than 50% water and the only sensation it could possibly register is the most primal, pain.

I’m going to remember that those self-same rights to privacy are the ones so adamantly "defended" against gay marriage by way of the Defense of Marriage Act. That act makes it unlawful to pay pensions to survivors of Federal employees in these circumstances; Under federal law, pensions can be denied only to lawmakers' same-sex partners and to people convicted of espionage or treason. Nice.

I'm going to remember Hurricane Katrina and the fact that they're still pulling bodies out of houses in New Orleans and coastal Mississippi. I'm going to remember what a heck of a job Brownie was doing.

I'm going to remember the absolute betrayal of our public education system by the Federal Government with the passage of "No Child Left Behind" and the cutting of funds to support it. Anyone who is up in arms about government mandated English and a one size fits all Nation and then needs a government funded special needs program for their child, watch out, you might get the kind of government you're voting for. Oh wait, you already have it!!!

I'm going to remember Ted Stevens, Republican Senior Senator from Alaska, blowing a gasket when he was questioned about an earmark to build a $212,000,000 bridge to the 50 (yeah 5 and 0) residents of Gravina, Alaska to connect them to the bustling metropolis of Ketchikan, Alaska. Right now they have to take a ferry that only runs only every 15 MINUTES!!!! HORRORS!!!! That $212,000,000 is approximately 30 (yeah 3 and 0) times the budget that was just halved for brain injury research at the Veteran's Administration. "Honestly, they would have loved to have funded it, but there were just so many priorities," says Jenny Manley, spokeswoman for the Senate Appropriations Committee, "They didn't have any flexibility in such a tight fiscal year."

I'm going to remember that our "this is unacceptable" foreign policy has led the "Axis of Evil" into a full scale Sectarian civil war, (Iraq), thumb nosing and continued development of a nuclear program and vastly more influence in the greater Middle East than they could have ever dreamed of (Iran), and oh yeah, the detonation of a nuclear bomb last week and a declaration of War yesterday, (that would be North Korea). I'm going to remember that after six years in office with a same party control of Congress, Bush still blames these things on Bill Clinton and, at times, his own father.

I'm going to remember that we still can't seem to find Bin Laden.

I'm going to remember the innocent Americans that were murdered on 9-11 and how their deaths have been bastardized and used for political gain. You can reference Ohio Republican Senator Mike DeWine's campaign ad where his staff photoshopped smoke coming out of the South Tower of the WTC for dramatic effect, because the real pictures just weren't dramatic enough. It was pretty easy to spot it as a stock photo as the North Tower, the one that was hit first, wasn’t smoking at all and the position of the sun placed the shot at about 4:00 in the afternoon. In March.

I'm going to remember how Americans that served this country in combat like Jack Murtha (37-year career in the U.S. Marine Corps, Bronze Star and two Purple Hearts), Jim Webb, (rifle platoon and company commander with the Fifth Marine Regiment in the An Hoa Basin west of Danang; was awarded the Navy Cross, the Silver Star Medal, two Bronze Star Medals, and two Purple Hearts and has a son serving in the Marines in Iraq), Patrick Murphy (Bronze Star in Iraq, JAG), and lost limbs like Tammy Duckworth (Iraq, lost both her legs) and Max Cleeland (Captain, U.S. Army 1965-68; Silver Star & Bronze Star, lost three limbs), have had their patriotism and courage called into question by people like Dick Cheney (five Vietnam deferments for "other priorities"), Jean Schmidt (unadaulterated idiot...there's really no other way I can more clearly put it when she called Jack Murtha a coward from the floor of the House and then later said, "oh I didn't know he had been a Marine for 37 bad yo) and Senator George Allen (Vietnam deferment, some of that time spent working an internship as a "buckaroo" on a dude ranch during the draft don't believe me look it up.), when they had the “audacity” to call B.S. on the Iraq policy. My favorite though was Tom Delay saying why he didn't volunteer for service in Vietnam, "So many minority youths had volunteered ... that there was literally no room for patriotic folks like myself." Right.

I'm going to remember how less than one month before this election we had an official White House commemoration of the sixth anniversary of the bombing of the USS COLE. Sad though, that we never had one for years 1-5. I guess they were too busy.

I'm going to remember that if the Johns Hopkins study that was released last week and the low end estimates are only half right Iraq has lost over 1% of its total civilian population since 2003 to violence. That percentage would, as of today, translate to 3,000,000 American lives. This violence was referred to as “a comma in the history books”, by our President last week.

I'm especially going to remember that as of today we have lost 2,761 Americans in a war built on ineptitude at best and nothing but a pack of lies at worst, a war that has cost over $300,000,000,000 of our tax dollars and has no end in sight.

Mostly I'm going to remember to vote.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

More Ted

In the interest of fairness I just read the official Allen rebuttal to the latest Webb ad. Now I realize that Ted Stevens was head of the Appropriations Cmte. at the time in question so his name is all over this kind of spending stuff but still, I was almost, (almost), shocked that Allen would reference Stevens in any sort of way.

From the Allen rebuttal, (explaining his no vote), about not funding body armor via the bill sponsored by Chris Dodd:

Sen. Ted Stevens, WWII Veteran, on the amendment. "What Senator Dodd's amendment does, though, is it adds money to accounts we have already plused up, and it takes it from money to bring the troops home. He has attacked the exact wrong part of the bill." (Congressional Record, October 2, 2003)

Can anyone with a smidge of brain function put any faith in the ramblings of Ted Stevens especially surrounding fiscal responsibility in regards to Govt. spending? Senator Stevens has lorded over a committee that has decimated funding for things like brain injury research and long-term care at the V.A. I guess in his mind tough choices have to be made because of "more important " priorities (my emphasis added) in spending bills.

First and foremost #1 issue to deal with is the fact that the 50 residents of Gravina, Alaska have been denied their rights as Americans by way of not having a $212,000,000 bridge built to connect them (as earmarked and demanded for by one Ted Stevens) to the bustling metropolis of Ketchikan, Alaska. Right now they have to take a ferry that only runs only every 15 MINUTES!!!! HORRORS!!!!

So if George Allen wants to hitch his cart to Ted Stevens and ADMIT IT he must be even more brazen, shallow or stupid than I thought, (if that's possible).
And one more thing on Sen. Stevens' quote, isn't the mere suggestion of wanting to bring troops home suggesting we "cut and run" thus emboldening the terrorist thugs and killers that want us to be destroyed and more scarily allow homosexuals shared property rights?????


Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Saddle up Buckaroo, it's time for George Allen's Hoedown!!!

According to the Devil worshipping liberal elite mainstream media (probably the service of Satan) Mark Foley donated $2,000 to George Allen's campaign. I did some research and found that If he put it towards attending George Allen's Hoedown! him and three friends could have been "Buckaroos"!!!! For another $500 he could have been a "COW BOSS!!!!"

I wonder if he's still invited? Do they serve non-alcoholic beverages to the Buckaroos and El Ranchero Grande's at a Hoedown? I assume so since they're all so down with those traditional Christian values and moral terpitude. Early to bed and early to rise and all that....

Maf54 (7:46:33 PM): did any girl give you a haand job this weekend

Xxxxxxxxx (7:46:38 PM): lol no

Xxxxxxxxx (7:46:40 PM): im single right now

Xxxxxxxxx (7:46:57 PM): my last gf and i broke up a few weeks agi

Maf54 (7:47:11 PM): are you

Maf54 (7:47:11 PM): good so your getting horny

Xxxxxxxxx (7:47:29 PM): lol…a bit

Maf54 (7:48:00 PM): did you spank it this weekend yourself

Xxxxxxxxx (7:48:04 PM): no

Xxxxxxxxx (7:48:16 PM): been too tired and too busy

Maf54 (7:48:33 PM): wow…

Maf54 (7:48:34 PM): i am never to busy haha

Xxxxxxxxx (7:48:51 PM): haha

Maf54 (7:50:02 PM): or tired..helps me sleep

Don't forget to say your prayers!!!!!!

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Junk mail

"Hastert told CNN Monday that he does not recall being told by Reynolds about the e-mails between Foley and the Louisiana teen, although he did not dispute that the conversation may have happened. "If he did, he brought it in with a whole stack of things," the speaker said.

Yeah I can see that......

"Hey Tom what'cha got.....lesse yeah bills, bills, hmm menu for a new Chinese place...probably illegals but if the Kung Pao is good who's countin' right???, junk, Tsunami relief...yeah right!, bills, ooooooh the new Maxim, "CHERYL BLOCK ME OFF SOME MEDITATION TIME ON MY CALENDAR FOR THIS AFTERNOON...FIVE MINUTES WILL DO.........AND MAKE SURE THERE'S TISSUES IN MY OFFICE AND UHHHHH HAND LOTION FOR.......UHHHH.........THE CONSITUENTS OR....OR FOR FRIST WHEN HE COMES BY...HE'S GOT DRY SKIN Y'KNOW"...., bills, junk, bills, bills, one of my party members is probably a kid toucher, bills......NEWSWEEK WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?!??!?!?, bills, goddamn another thing from those Delay much fucking wrapping paper do I have to buy from that bastard's spawn before he'll tear up the goddamn pictures, bills, phone book, junk mail, bills, bills..........that's it? A'ight let's go hit the bar and make fun of some homosexuals!!!"

All in a day's work I guess.

Now with Disclaimer! - I'm George Allen and I think you're a bunch of stupid assholes

Good lord, do I really have to do this. The posting below is satirical in nature and is intended solely to make fun of Senator George Allen's alleged racism and definitive poor governance of of Old Virginny. The statements in parenthses (those are the smiley face mouths) have been inserted as commentary that, in a perverse world, might have run through the Senator's mind while reading his ninnyish statement last night. I'm sorry if this was hard for some to understand and I find it baffling what with all our awesome improvements in the schools and all.

I'm a racist. THAT is fucking funny.

Now on to the show..............................................

"Good evening (white people) I'm George Allen, (check it out, I'm so white this Jack-O-Lantern standing next to me calls me Clorox). For more than a decade with Susan by my side, (keep grinning baby, the morphine will kick in ANY second now), I've had the honor of serving you, (well, serving you a load of bullshit but hey, you get what you pay for!); as Governor, (YAY!) and now (for now) in the United States Senate. (or as I like to call it the REAL White House).

"Virginians, (like me…sorta), expect to hear us (who?), address the real issues you care about, (NASCAR, the big value menu at Taco Bell and whether Tom Cruise is really a godless homo….oh, and tits). Over the past several weeks that hasn't been the case (thanks a lot Macaca and you fucking no sense of humor internet nerds). Some of this (OK, OK) I've brought on myself, (by not having that little asshole's shit kicked in the parking lot like I should have). But (I said but…hee hee hee) the negative personal attacks (did I tell you Webb eats babies at his gay Satanic altar..just saying..) and baseless allegations (ALLIGATORS!) have also pulled us away from what you expect (for me to infer that there are dark skinned Boogeymen that want to eat your toothless faces off) and deserve (for me to tell you what to do).

"I'm confident (I mean, don't let the fact that I had to buy this airtime let you think otherwise) that if this Senate race (NASCAR…I LOVE NASCAR!!!) is decided on issues, (hello WHITEY!) ideas (reference my shit kicking idea above, now that was a good idea!) and my proven record of performance, (you think that grin on old Toothy McBriteWhite over here is from prescription drugs? HA!!!! I'll show you performance!) you'll allow me (like I should have to be "allowed" to do anything) to continue serving you, (phew thank JESUS I got through that one with a straight face).

"As Governor, we (I) made Virginia safer (for me) by abolishing parole for (black) violent criminals (or as I like to call it, "George Allen's Urban Improvement By Putting THOSE PEOPLE Away Program). Brought high (now we're talking!) academic standards (comparative to the Sudan our school lunches are the tits!) and resources (hot young white women) to our (your) schools (not for my kids but I mean, come on!) Reformed welfare, (Hey, they're the ones going around singing MO MONEY MO PROBLEMS so I considered it a favor!) cut taxes (farts) and recruited new, (RELATIVE TERM!) good paying (not to me but it's more than enough for you assholes) jobs (for white people in Northern Virginia).

"In the Senate, (you would not BELIEVE the vacation time) I've offered clear (clear is subjective....) plans (hey you can make plans when you're drunk so shut it) to end (sorta) our dependence (that's really unfair, I like to think of it as a civil union; not that I support that kind of thing in general....for homos.....but for the bubblin' crude it's OK for now) on Mideast oil, (rename Iraq as Allenville, take the oil, subjugate whatever natives are still around and send WHOEVER nudge nudg wink wink happens to be in our prisons over there to go buck wild. It'll be just like Australia! Who doesn't love Australia?), secure our borders (well, make a run for the border at the very least. I might be all positive White Christian gung-ho America but damn do I love me some Taco Bell), and strengthen our (my) economy by controlling spending (for you) and reducing the tax burden (for me) on families, (mine) retirees (my golfing buddies) and small business owners (hey, Korean massage parlor owners gotta eat too!).

"My National Innovation Act (HAHA!) will promote math, (DOUBLE HAHA!) science (I like this intelligent design business, it makes me feel ever more distant from the pigmentally afflicted) and technology (PS3 BAYBEE!!!) to provide our students (those little assholes) with the tools (X-BOX and elimination of interest in anything of import and the loss of general cognitive thought) they need (what I need is for this goofy freak standing next to me to turn her head, the shine from those choppers is making me look a little TOO pasty. Wait, that's not possible!! Smile on Jack!) to compete (do….not……laugh….) and succeed (…thinking bad thoughts….no smiling……remember Daddy and his whippin' stick……control control control…....)

"Since 9/11 (or as I call it, Free Ticket Tuesday) we've (who, me?) taken steps to protect our homeland. (Sure, they were all in the wrong direction but I like to think of it as more like a walkabout than a journey with an actual destination). But like many of you, (Mark Moseley and Jack here) I'm concerned by the war in Iraq. (that I need to continue until I get this whole Allenville idea fleshed out). I want our (white) troops to come home as soon as possible (ASAP = right before November, 2008 except for Webb's kid, he can pound sand and take his goofy ass dad with him). And I want them to come home in victory (because victory means parades and parades means horsey rides) - not defeat. (I have never seen a defeat parade)

They (them) - and their families (not mine!) - have made great sacrifices (as great as, y'know, those kind of people can make) for our (my financial) security. They understand the consequences of failure. (but who gives a shit? I'm riding horsies in parades ((see above)) and knocking back suds with Diron Talbert. Y'know what I say and how I roll, out of sight and out of mind is OUTTA SITE AND DY-NO-MITE!!!!!!!) Leaving Iraq (wasn't that a Sheryl Crow song, I love Sheryl Crow, she's like a dirty safe little minx) as a safe haven for terrorists (we built it we own it mofo) will leave America (and Allenville) less secure (to white people). And that's a risk we cannot afford.(which is why I want to send another $180,000,000,000 over there to build a democracy…………and Allenville).

"In the weeks ahead, it's my hope to have an invigorating debate worthy of our rich history. (if by 'have an invigorating debate' you mean find 'pictures of Jim Webb barebacking a pack of Cub Scouts').

"I'm George Allen (MY DAD COACHED THE REDSKINS!!!!) and I approve this message because I believe (that all of you rednecks are fucking idiots that will line my pockets as long as I keep scaring you with the blacks and homos) in Virginia (rednecks)... I believe in our (white) people (see aforementioned position on idiots and pocket lining) and most importantly (aside from getting Jack another armload of dope before she opens that maw and starts babbling about my special Wizard costume)... I believe (HAHA!!!) in our (my financial) future together (with white people)"

Monday, October 02, 2006

What is the matter with you liberal sickos?

You people and your left wing agenda just make me all volcanic inside. Seriously, why do you hate America? Why do you hate freedom? It's the yammering flip-floppers like you that embolden the terrorists and make us less free to live our lives the way that we're told to!!! You lay out your "facts" and I say HOGWASH!!!!!!!!

For one I'm happy to see how well our "we need to go kick SOMEBODY'S ass" Toby Keith theme song foreign policy is working out. It's great to see another $70,000,000,000 going over towards Iraq, seeing that we have no problems here that we could have used that cash for. Money and lives well spent seeing how the Iraqis are really putting up that U.S.A. loving steadfast government and wicked awesome military, the people are docile, waving the stars and stripes and wishing they were us and the oil is flowing Westward quicker than you can say, "let's go marginalize some homosexuals!!!"

On top of that the Taliban has been totally dismantled and Iran, North Korea and Syria, (Axis of Evil...HA!!! ...more like AXIS OF PUSSIES YO!!!!!!), have been shown their place and have totally capitulated to what we want them to do. Man, you stack up that with the sweeping demopcratic and social reforms made in the rest of the Middle East and I totally feel like things are going great.

Now that we've taken care of the ragheads we can get to taking out the Germans for bombing Pearl Harbor!!! Who's with me? After that we can deal with the real threats to our country like gay marriage, the teaching of evolution, hair gel on airplanes and the wanton slaughter of adorable little frozen embryos that could lead to advances in (stem cell research) HUMAN ANIMAL HYBRID MUTANTS!!!!!!

First and foremost #1 issue to deal iwth though is the fact that the 50 residents of a Gravina Alaska have been denied their rights as Americans by way of not having a $212,000,000 bridge to connect them to the bustling Alaskan metropolis of Ketchikan, Alaska. Right now they have to take a ferry that only runs every 15 MINUTES!!!!

AMERICANS CAN'T WAIT THAT LONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I tell you friends, every day I take inspiration from my elected representatives and thank baby Jesus that they are in power and telling me what to do and just want the finger wagging naysayers to shut it and get on with loving America!!! Why would you think these folks don't know better than you what's right? Just today I ruminated on this epistle from (right thinking) Mark Foley, (R), from Florida, talking about keeping our kids safe -

"I have said repeatedly that in this country we track library books better than we do sex offenders." - Mark Foley

If I had a son I would totally like him to go to the beach with a guy like Mark Foley and learn some hard, yet strangely tender, life lessons.

So in conclusion I say get with the program and stop hating freedom!!!

Has anyone seen my Lee Greenwood CD?