Castor Oil...sickeningly good

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Watch out for Zebra Man

From El Presidente's speech last night:

"We cannot build a unified country by inciting people to anger, or playing on anyone's fears, or exploiting the issue of immigration for political gain."

Damn! That is so shameless that I bet it made Charlie Sheen feel all oogy inside, (a thought more terrifying than any human animal hybird could ever be!)

How can a guy who has made a career aout of scaring dumbasses to death about nothing to feed his political coffers put on semi-sad (head tilted slightly downward but eyes, full of concern, lifted up and a voice that….pauses…..for effect……when………touching……on…..a…part……..that…….has…….highlighter…on…it….) Bush face and say that shit and not instantly get torched into flames by his tin can telephone buddy Jesus Christ?

I mean c'mon, remember the great threats of the day that only he could protect us against? The aforementioned human animals, (maybe they're in Gitmo or have been squired back to the Island of Dr. Moreau by Air America), and the Godless pillagers of our friends in the land of Embyonic Stem Cell People? And please never forget the scourge that the GAYS could have laid down had they been allowed to deflower the holy sanctity of marriage between one man and one woman. I mean we can't have some sissies degrading the consecrated spiritual bond of marriage that can be locked up for $29.95 (with photo) at a drive thru window in Vegas, can we? Heavens to Betsy!!!

Sure those are completely fucking stupid things to be concerned about when we happen to mired in an increasingly unwinnable war of sorts, have a broked down and back up again education system, our healthcare system is pathetic, our infant mortality rate is off the charts, we're a nation of obese sloths that get increasingly fatter and stupider by the hour and most of the world hates our guts. But thank God Almighty the guys in charge are protecting us from mutants and homosexuals! Maybe they can roll out the color coded terror threat charts that have so conveniently disappeared since Georgie got re-elected to keep us up to date on when Zebra Man has been spotted in Tonganoxie, Kansas. At least then we can think of something other than the four bucks a gallon we just had to pay for gas.

You think I'm exaggerating? Watch what happens starting in early September as we get nearer to the mid-term elections. You watch as the threat of the gays and abortion and all of that pandering fear-mongering shit comes back up. We'll be code red and get your duct tape ready with a new Bin Laden tape and great news in the war on terruh but watch out for the Iranian mushroom cloud and the fact that the two guys in the Miata not only want to get married but they want to adopt good Christian babies and raise them in a house of Sodom and for all that is Holy don't forget that we have Zebra Man in our midst!!!! It's going to happen. By Halloween we'll be under so many threats we'll need an extra hour in the morning to get our gasmasks and holy water in order.

And the Democrats who should just stand up and say, "do we have to get collectively punked as a nation again and if so can we at least get that darling Ashton Kutcher to do it?" will flounder around and say half of what BushCo says and act like imbeciles and the whole thing will start all over. It's pathetic. They could get the message across if they either talk really slow or realy really fast through a bullhorn like that jacked up freak on Extreme Home Makeover who makes me cry with his selfless devotion to others and the glorification of Sear's where all of your appliance dreams can come true. But they won't. They can't. They're so beaten down at this point that they remind me of Charlie Brown and BushCo is that bitch Lucy who keeps pulling the football away every time.

That whore.

I mean Bush, not Lucy. She's just a kid I shouldn't pick on her. Unless she's half Zebra.


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