Castor Oil...sickeningly good

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Anatomy of a Murder Scene


The victims and the alleged killer Posted by Hello

So I have a killer in my house. She’s a generous killer as she leaves me her lifeless victims as a testament of her love to me but she is a bloodthirsty murderess all the same. My cat….she kills everything. The picture above shows the latest of her sacrifices to my awesomeness; two sewer rats eviscerated and put on display in the garden by the front door of my mansion on the hill. In this same killing field I have found mice, moles, voles, birds, a baby possum, various body parts but the rats really took the cake. It’s scary to think that a cat will kill something and then display it so I am sure to find it. It’s right out of a crappy CSI episode or something. Wesley says it’s called “presenting”. Why…why does he know these things?

The cat, let’s call her Luna as that is her name, has no front claws so I have no clue as to how she hunts down and murders all this stuff but she is a truly adept killing machine. She’s small for a cat and ill of temper to be around most of the time. Truth be told she’s kind of a bitch that bites my feet when I'm sleeping and lives to torment the cat across the street but I know she adores me by the carcasses she leaves for me. Most of the time they are headless so I guess she finds crunching on skulls to be a rewarding experience.

The rats were about eight inches long before the tail. I mean, for rodents they were big not to mention horrendously disgusting looking. So cleaning up big dead bloody rats, (one with a tremendous pair of testes by the way) was how I spent part of the baby Jesus’ birthday. I have no idea how she will top this one and shudder to think what’s coming next but I have no doubt she will bring home something thoroughly revolting.

She’s sitting on my desk watching me type this. It’s kind of like hanging out with Damian Omen only fuzzy and with artificial tuna fish flavor breath.

Doo dee doo doo Doo dee doo doo

Now playing – All those Wasted Years by Hanoi Rocks. MENTAL BEAT!!!!!

Oh, one other thing that I wanted to touch on. I love having people give me ideas on what to ramble about but if you want to read shit-talk about some loose cannon heavy metal maniac that you have a grudge against sign up for an account, blog away and read your own fantastic thoughts. My opinions on the bro faction in the music “scene” around here have been documented and I will probably expound on them again (there is so much bro material out there after all) but I’m not plinking and plunking away just to shit-talk band dudes who seem to have misfiring cranial neurons and uncontrolled rage issues. You want that write it yourself or go to
www.heresahint.org and hang out with another anonymous dude who seems to be scared to talk shit and put his/her name behind it.

7 Comments:

  • She was framed.

    -- Dennis

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:54 PM  

  • Beware the pussy that removes heads...

    By Blogger Phil Rossi, at 2:51 PM  

  • So, you're saying there's a serial pussy on the loose?

    -- Dennis

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:55 PM  

  • Hey man,

    I know you've told the short version of your Grog and Tankard "banned for life" story before. But the full version is absolutely killer. If you've still got it somewhere on your hard drive, dust it off and post it. It's raucously funny.

    --Pete P. (Some Brave Apollo, coming soon to a dive near you. . .)

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:32 PM  

  • One break....coming up!!!!

    Grog story coming as soon as I can get the old computer to boot up and release it from it's ones and zeroes clutches.

    By Blogger Castor OiL, at 11:16 PM  

  • "small for a cat and ill of temper to be around most of the time."

    I bet she's got small paws and smells of cabbage, too. ;-)

    Yeah, give us the whole G&T story. Though it's better told in person. You can recite it from the XM stage...

    -mondo

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:17 AM  

  • haha

    "....Everyone gather round the stage here...don't push, let the little ones up front....I have a tale for the youngsters...Ok...everyone settled? That's good..

    Once upon a time in the shittiest bar on earth..."

    By Blogger Castor OiL, at 12:15 PM  

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