Random events that my brain relates to one another

Behind the wheel of the mighty tan Oldsmobile.

Some crazy crackhead woman almost cut my finger off when she ran up and slammed the door shut on a cooler I was reaching into at the Barrell House Liquor store on 14th Street.

I bought 28 cases of Milwaukee’s Best and drove it to Ocean City in a tan Oldsmobile.

The tan Oldsmobile broke down on the way to Thanksgiving and I got so mad at it I pissed on it right there on the side of the road.

One Thanksgiving I was starving in Hollywood and me and Russell got invited to a big Thanksgiving dinner. We each got a slice of ham and a warm Budweiser. I nearly cried.

When the Beltway was closed in the mid-summer sauna due to a tanker-truck rollover me and Jeff drank nearly a case of warm Budweisers waiting for the road to be opened.

When the Beltway was closed due to a bridge opening my friend’s girlfriend tried to take her spandex pants off and got a leg cramp so severe she started screaming in agony. Next thing we knew a bunch of guys were running over to save her as they were sure she was being raped and pillaged.

The worst cramp I ever got was in Russell’s Dodge Omni. It was in my ass.

I had to take a shower at Russell’s house once and him and the rest of my asshole friends pushed me outside naked and locked all the doors thus exposing my ass and dirty bits to the world .

Two summers ago I was standing outside of my own house screaming and banging on the door for one of my unwanted houseguests to open the goddamn door that they had locked after repeatedly assuring me they would not.

I had a girlfriend that banged another dude after repeatedly assuring me she would not.

She repeatedly banged and reassured.

I repeatedly binge drank (drunk?)

I need to go have a drink.