Castor Oil...sickeningly good

Monday, October 31, 2005

Cowards in the White House

The demonic freaks on Pennsylvania Avenue have hit a new low. As we all know I have taken great joy and glee in watching the ongoing destruction of the inhabitants of the tower of lunacy that have been busy swirling the country down the shitter. I wish that it never came to this, that all of these retards were still giving the Saudis handjobs under the table at the Park Hyatt in private sector work, but it is what it is so as they collapse I revel. It's a simple equation and just a new chapter in the the epic struggle of good (sexy me) and evil (unsexy them). I have to expect that they'll come after me in revenge as that's just the drill for celestial warriors engaged in epic battle like myself. I have long since girded my loins for just such an event and my talismic war hammer is ever primed and at the ready.

(Cue epic German heavy metal Sturm und drang soundtrack).

But they are wily that bunch and instead of engaging in bloody conflict have elected to attack me in as underhanded and insidious way as possible. What a bunch of pussies!!!! I say let's strap on the leather body armor and chain-mail vestments and get to it on the Rainbow Bridge that leads to Asgard but noooo.......

Recent events have shown it's apparent that instead of using their dark powers of retribution against my manly self for the linguistic arrows I have shot into their misshapen foreheads the witch doctors on the other side have taken aim at those close to me who they might seem as less mighty. Now I realize that I carry an intimidating frame and demeanor and being cowardly by nature they're apt to skulk after those that they see as an easier target. It's the nature of the cowardly wizard to do so and I guess I should have seen it coming but mea culpa I was too busy checking out my hair to look in that direction.

Y'see I took a couple (not even particularly inspired or amusing really) shots at the lack of brain trust residing in 1600 last Friday. I recall that I suggested that it would be great to see their leaders get cornholed by a Latino prison gang. (OK, that bit was a touch inspired.....) Less than 48 hours later after an apparent blood sacrifice of either a small farm animal one of Jeb Bush's drugged out offspring to raise the evil spirits that they fellate religiously the following dark events occurred:

My eldest progeny took a close range shot to the face from a soccer ball an Amazonian ten year old drilled at her. The countenance of the devil himself could be seen leering from this ridiculously oversized spawn of the circle of Hell known as Loudoun County. The ball flew off her hoof like a rocket and I'm pretty sure I heard the devil dog shriek, "UNLEASH HELL!!!!" as it kicked the ball towards my dear #1. Some other parents were sure that the demon really said, OMIGOD I'M SORRY", but they don't have performance tuned ears and a keen awareness of evil like I do. My darling dear hit the ground like a shot and a tear fell from her eye but she got right up and went back in the game performing heroically despite the pain in her nose and her ponytail being slightly askew. Take that Scott McLellan, you're the shittiest underlord of darkness EVER!!!!!

At the same game the Mrs. got stung on the hand by a bee causing significant discomfort and swelling. Undaunted she went shopping and today looks about as lovely as I have ever seen her. Hey Cheney, better luck next time you sissy!!!!

Later yesterday afternoon the dog was possessed by a berserker fury and while tearing up and down the living room stairs ran over the younger progeny resulting in her little pink clad self smashing into the wall and banging her adorable little head. The demon quickly left the dog's soul and she was back to her wonderfully docile and stupid self, licking away her misdeeds and making peace with the bambina. Way to go George, picking on a baby. Didn't get you too far did it? I should expect more from the leader of the undead minions but after seeing your post-Katrina speech I'm beginning to think you're really losing it.

While they might be stupid, they might be raw evil, they might be vacant and vapid and married to the pug ugliest women in the hemisphere those freaks in the White House do have some powerful black magic at their disposal. But to no avail, my girlies are tough as nails and cute as pie and have taken the shots sent their way admirably and risen above.

So fuck you and your ju-ju stick Mr. Rove. All your grass skirt prancing and disemboweling of Oxy addled offspring won't bring us down. We're tough in pink and ready for battle.

I'm going to take a break now and go polish my war hammer.


  • Damn. I bet your wee ones could take Henry Brown with that fighting spirit.

    By Blogger Phil Rossi, at 3:49 PM  

  • I bet your girls could show your Redskins a thing or two about fighting spirit. Or football for that matter.


    By Blogger jeff, at 4:16 PM  

  • Nice Conan picture, warhammer.

    By Blogger professor wes, at 10:15 AM  

  • Post something new, ye wee of genital stature.

    By Blogger jeff, at 9:25 AM  

  • Is that picture at the top of the page from the Molly Hatchet album?

    By Blogger tideliar, at 12:31 PM  

  • What were you on when you wrote this and why didn't you share.

    By Blogger Bully, at 1:55 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home