I need a Beer and a Cigarette

I'm reliving the old days today. Not the imaginary old days like every other revisionist punk rocker wannabe ex-metalhead delusional bastard on the planet with a Minor Threat 7 inches bought three weeks ago off eBay but my REAL old days. In the tune spinner today have spun the Dogs D'Amour, the London Quireboys, Zodiac Mindwarp and the Love Reaction, Circus of Power, Rock City Angels, Lords of the New Church and spinning right now as I type the mighty, flighty, junked out, made up, Motley Crue murdered, saxaphone tootling, Les Paul slinging Hanoi Rocks.

I love this band, they rocked ass. Before you even start giving me crap all you holier-than-thou truly-Queensryche loving but proclaiming to love the Kings of Leon or Franz Ferdinand or some such shit you can kiss my gold lame'd ass ass and go whack off to your Y&T records you mullet loving shithead guitar nerd George Lynch drool covered manwiches.

Nothing like a pre-emptive hysteria strike!

(BREAKING NEWS - Tony Williams in a news conference announcing that Target is coming to town jokes "I'm happy to say that Target, or as some as you call it TAR-ZHAY is coming to town." He then stammered, chuckled uncomfortably, stammered again and continued. Bowtie Willy and Bush should do a stand-up tour of weirdo comedy together. Now back to regular programming.)

Hanoi Rocks was more of a good, gnarly, dirty, spazzed out good time American rock and roll band than anybody west of the Mississippi from 1980 until GnR came around and they were from fucking Finland!!! Imagine how bad ass they would have been if they were born in Detroit. I guess that's easy, they would have been the Stooges with make-up and a boa strung jauntily around the neck. I'm gonna do this Dead by Xmas song at my next acoustic show just to prove how, well I don't know what I'll prove, but the song kicks ass and makes me happy.

I'll be dead by x-mas now anyway
Tell me will you remember me that day
When you've found a new one who's better than I ever was
I'll be dead by x-mas now anyway
Please give all my things away
They'll make great x-mas presents for you
And for all my friends

YEAH!!! Take that all you sentimental poofters crying about your mean parents. That's some cool shit right up in there I dare say. Anyway whether you have good taste and like Hanoi or not do yourself a favor and dig back into your record collection and listen to the stuff that you really love, not the stuff that you think you SHOULD love. It will make you happy.

It's good for you, it's like soup, it's like.....nothing bad. - Mother Love Bone

I leave you with some of the greatest rock lyrics ever written. Sure they're stupid and sexist and mysoginist but what do you expect from a guy named Zodiac Mindwarp?

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah
Well I Love Tv And I Love T. Rex
I Can See Through Your Skirt I've Got X-Ray Spex
I Came From The Sky Like A 747
I'm The Bad Boy Baby I Fell Out Of Heaven
Sex Fuhrer Baby I'm A Love Dictator
Blitzkrieg Romance I'm A Cool Dominator

P-R-I-M-E Prime Mover Baby
You're M-I-N-E I'm The Groover

Well I'm Christ In Shades
I'm A Napalm God
Your Lipstick Flickers Round My Lightning Rod
You Fever Pitch Bitch You Love To Tease
Well I'm A Hot Dog Daddy Up On Your Knees

Sex Fuhrer Baby I'm A Love Dictator
Blitzkrieg Romance I'm A Living Detonator

P-R-I-M-E Prime Mover Baby
You're M-I-N-E I'm The Groover
Yeah

Can't type anymore, too busy rocking.