Riding the Shitrocket
Well I’m back. After playing a moribund and decidedly odd set at the Galaxy Hut on Monday and working to resurrect this stupid piece of shit computer all week I’m in an overall craptastic mood. Plus, my feet are cold. But will I let that bring me down? NO! I’m ready to rock and roll daddy.
The word of the day is shittiness.
Dudes in bands are really kinda shitty by nature for the most part. We resent the shit out of everything and anyone that doesn’t pertain directly to having our own egos stroked and live a life full of expectations for people to worship us. What, I’m a dick for admitting it? You think Joe Pious and his indie rock punk schtick of wholsomeness and humility isn’t roiling with hatred when not presented with appropriate accolades and bunghole washing by the feebs at the local watering hole? Booshit. I’ve met a lot of truly humble musicians before but band dudes are an entirely different animal. It’s a whole world of “LOOK AT ME LOOKE AT ME YOU’RE MY BEST FRIEND YOU’RE NOT LOOKING FUCK YOU GODDAMIT YOU BASTARD SON OF A BITCH!!!!!” Sure we have friends but we totally begrudge them success late at night when we’re alone with our thoughts and dirty parts. It’s just human nature for the band dude. It can’t be helped. Look, for those of you not in bands try this exercise. Find a band dude and ask him about a mutual friend’s band. This is what will happen –
You – Hey what do you think of Shitrocket?
Dood – Aw, those guys are tight. They’re my bros!!!
You – Yeah I think they’re great. THEY are my FAVORITE local band.
Dood – mmmmmm…….
You – I love them!!!!
Dood – Yeah..umm, you know I’ve known those guys for a long time and they’re cool I guess but y’know….
You – What? Is there something wrong with Shitrocket?
Dood – Ahh, y’know it’s just not really my thing…..the EASY pop song. I mean I love those guys but….
You – What do you mean?
Dood – EXPOUND FOR TWENTY MINUTES ON HORRIDNESS OF SHITROCKET
You – Wow, I guess I never thought of it that way…
Dood – Don’t get me wrong I like them even though they suck.
You – Yeah.
Dood – Hey. We’re playing a show with them in two weeks at Club Pizza. You should come out it’ll be fucking great. Y’know Shitrocket will finish up the night after we headline at 9:15.
You – yeah, I got that email from Shitrocket already. I’m on their street Team. Oh…..I thought Shitrocket was the headliner? That’s what the ad in the paper says.
Dood – THAT’S STUPID SHIT MAN, FUCKING SHITROCKET SAYING THEY’RE HEADLINING WHAT THE FUCK MAN GODDAMIT WE DECIDED TO PLAY FIRST MAN GODDAMIT WHO THE FUCK DOES FUCKING SHITROCKET THINK THEY ARE!?!?!?! STREET TEAMS ARE FUCKING GAY MAN WE KEEP IT REAL WITHOUT THAT SHIT MAN.
You – Ummm…OK, man. I gotta go wait out front for the limo.
It’s the nature of the beast. The best part is when Dood is asked to join Shitrocket after Shitrocket’s bass player leaves because his wife told him to stop being a fucking dildo and get busy on that Associate’s Degree.
Dood – Hey man, guess what??!?!?! I’m the new bass player for Shitrocket!!!!
You – I thought you hated those guys?
Dood – Are you crazy man…Shitrocket fucking ROCKS!!!!!
You – But……..
Dood – Hey man, I got some Street Team shit that needs to get done. YOU THE MAN NOW DAWG!!!!!!
And on and on and on….
The word of the day is shittiness.
Dudes in bands are really kinda shitty by nature for the most part. We resent the shit out of everything and anyone that doesn’t pertain directly to having our own egos stroked and live a life full of expectations for people to worship us. What, I’m a dick for admitting it? You think Joe Pious and his indie rock punk schtick of wholsomeness and humility isn’t roiling with hatred when not presented with appropriate accolades and bunghole washing by the feebs at the local watering hole? Booshit. I’ve met a lot of truly humble musicians before but band dudes are an entirely different animal. It’s a whole world of “LOOK AT ME LOOKE AT ME YOU’RE MY BEST FRIEND YOU’RE NOT LOOKING FUCK YOU GODDAMIT YOU BASTARD SON OF A BITCH!!!!!” Sure we have friends but we totally begrudge them success late at night when we’re alone with our thoughts and dirty parts. It’s just human nature for the band dude. It can’t be helped. Look, for those of you not in bands try this exercise. Find a band dude and ask him about a mutual friend’s band. This is what will happen –
You – Hey what do you think of Shitrocket?
Dood – Aw, those guys are tight. They’re my bros!!!
You – Yeah I think they’re great. THEY are my FAVORITE local band.
Dood – mmmmmm…….
You – I love them!!!!
Dood – Yeah..umm, you know I’ve known those guys for a long time and they’re cool I guess but y’know….
You – What? Is there something wrong with Shitrocket?
Dood – Ahh, y’know it’s just not really my thing…..the EASY pop song. I mean I love those guys but….
You – What do you mean?
Dood – EXPOUND FOR TWENTY MINUTES ON HORRIDNESS OF SHITROCKET
You – Wow, I guess I never thought of it that way…
Dood – Don’t get me wrong I like them even though they suck.
You – Yeah.
Dood – Hey. We’re playing a show with them in two weeks at Club Pizza. You should come out it’ll be fucking great. Y’know Shitrocket will finish up the night after we headline at 9:15.
You – yeah, I got that email from Shitrocket already. I’m on their street Team. Oh…..I thought Shitrocket was the headliner? That’s what the ad in the paper says.
Dood – THAT’S STUPID SHIT MAN, FUCKING SHITROCKET SAYING THEY’RE HEADLINING WHAT THE FUCK MAN GODDAMIT WE DECIDED TO PLAY FIRST MAN GODDAMIT WHO THE FUCK DOES FUCKING SHITROCKET THINK THEY ARE!?!?!?! STREET TEAMS ARE FUCKING GAY MAN WE KEEP IT REAL WITHOUT THAT SHIT MAN.
You – Ummm…OK, man. I gotta go wait out front for the limo.
It’s the nature of the beast. The best part is when Dood is asked to join Shitrocket after Shitrocket’s bass player leaves because his wife told him to stop being a fucking dildo and get busy on that Associate’s Degree.
Dood – Hey man, guess what??!?!?! I’m the new bass player for Shitrocket!!!!
You – I thought you hated those guys?
Dood – Are you crazy man…Shitrocket fucking ROCKS!!!!!
You – But……..
Dood – Hey man, I got some Street Team shit that needs to get done. YOU THE MAN NOW DAWG!!!!!!
And on and on and on….
posted by Castor OiL at
2:58 PM
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